Saying Love Vs Showing Love

Introduction

By Paul Anderson

Since I still have time in February and all the research about St. Valentine from the Saints study is still fresh in my mind, I figured the February study could be about Love.  But we had done a study on Love in February of 2013.  So, I needed a different angle.

My prayers were answered when my phone rang, and there came a voice from my son, saying, "I Just Called To Say I Love You."  It wasn't New Year's Day.  He had no chocolate covered candy hearts for me.  It was just another ordinary day.  Taken by surprise, I just responded, "What, are you listening to Stevie Wonder?!?!?"

It dawned on me this could be just the topic for which I was looking.  The word "love" occurs close to 500 times in a lot of translations and even more in some.  So, love is clearly an important idea in Scripture.  However, does the Bible have a preference on saying, "I love you," versus showing someone your love?

Should I be more like Garth Brooks?  

So I made a promise to myself

To say each day how much she means to me

And avoid that circumstance

Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel

Of course, Garth could have been just as torn as me about which one was more important.  I guess he was going to try to cover his bases either way.

If tomorrow never comes

Will she know how much I loved her

Did I try in every way to show her every day

That she's my only one

I have always been one to show love more than saying it, and I assumed the Bible was similar.  Of course, I have never really checked.  Could I just be remembering the passages that confirm my bias?  Could there be a lot more times where those three magic words are spoken?

One of the experiences that lead me to my predilection for showing love over saying it was watching a documentary, "The Teachings of Jon."  He was a child with Down's syndrome, who was separated from his family for the first seven years of his life to remove them from the burden of his care and have a normal life.  However, after a snow storm stranded them together during their first visit as a family, they never sent him back to the nursing home.  They decided to put up with any burden to keep him as a part of the family.  He never spoke, except once.  The only three words he every said was, "I love you," to his mom.  Most of time he would pat you on the head to say, "I love you."

I prefer that kind of subtle gesture.  It is similar to the expression, "It's the thought that counts," when you give a gift.  I think I spent the least I have ever spent on a present for someone this past January.  It was 12 cents.  I had received a free commemorative axe from the University of California at Berkley's football team, the Golden Bears.  They were celebrating the 125th Big Game versus their rival the University of Stanford, and all the family got one as we showed up early to watch Daniel Scott, #32 safety, in his pre-game workout.  However, my mom had befriended a die-hard Daniel Scott fan before getting into the stadium while on line and swapping Tre Deuce stories.  When she found out she didn't get an axe she immediately gave hers away.  I thought it was a very loving gesture but figured she might miss the memento later.

Since all my mom's favorite thing start with the letter "F:"  fitbit, football, and family.  I turned the axe into a Frame by adding a Foto of her Family at a Football game and wrapped it up.  The cost of the print = 12 cents.  The memories = priceless.

Here are my top 12 verses on Saying Love Vs Showing Love:

Jesus On Saying Love Vs Showing Love

Matthew 21:28-32 King James Version

28 But what think ye? A certain man had two sons; and he came to the first, and said, Son, go work to day in my vineyard.

29 He answered and said, I will not: but afterward he repented, and went.

30 And he came to the second, and said likewise. And he answered and said, I go, sir: and went not.

31 Whether of them twain did the will of his father? They say unto him, The first. Jesus saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That the publicans and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you.

32 For John came unto you in the way of righteousness, and ye believed him not: but the publicans and the harlots believed him: and ye, when ye had seen it, repented not afterward, that ye might believe him.

John 13:1-10 King James Version

1 Now before the feast of the passover, when Jesus knew that his hour was come that he should depart out of this world unto the Father, having loved his own which were in the world, he loved them unto the end.

2 And supper being ended, the devil having now put into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon's son, to betray him;

3 Jesus knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he was come from God, and went to God;

4 He riseth from supper, and laid aside his garments; and took a towel, and girded himself.

5 After that he poureth water into a bason, and began to wash the disciples' feet, and to wipe them with the towel wherewith he was girded.

6 Then cometh he to Simon Peter: and Peter saith unto him, Lord, dost thou wash my feet?

7 Jesus answered and said unto him, What I do thou knowest not now; but thou shalt know hereafter.

8 Peter saith unto him, Thou shalt never wash my feet. Jesus answered him, If I wash thee not, thou hast no part with me.

9 Simon Peter saith unto him, Lord, not my feet only, but also my hands and my head.

10 Jesus saith to him, He that is washed needeth not save to wash his feet, but is clean every whit: and ye are clean, but not all.

John 15:9-15 King James Version

9 As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love.

10 If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his love.

11 These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full.

12 This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.

13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

14 Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.

15 Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.

John 21:15-17 King James Version

15 So when they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my lambs.

16 He saith to him again the second time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my sheep.

17 He saith unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee. Jesus saith unto him, Feed my sheep.

Saying Love Vs Showing Love In The New Testament

Mark 1:11 King James Version

11 And there came a voice from heaven, saying, Thou art my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.

Romans 5:8 King James Version

8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

2 Corinthians 12:14-15 King James Version

14 Behold, the third time I am ready to come to you; and I will not be burdensome to you: for I seek not yours but you: for the children ought not to lay up for the parents, but the parents for the children.

15 And I will very gladly spend and be spent for you; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I be loved.

Revelation 3:9 King James Version

9 Behold, I will make them of the synagogue of Satan, which say they are Jews, and are not, but do lie; behold, I will make them to come and worship before thy feet, and to know that I have loved thee.

Saying Love Vs Showing Love In The Old Testament

Deuteronomy 10:12-13 King James Version

12 And now, Israel, what doth the Lord thy God require of thee, but to fear the Lord thy God, to walk in all his ways, and to love him, and to serve the Lord thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul,

13 To keep the commandments of the Lord, and his statutes, which I command thee this day for thy good?

Judges 16:15 King James Version

15 And she said unto him, How canst thou say, I love thee, when thine heart is not with me? thou hast mocked me these three times, and hast not told me wherein thy great strength lieth.

Psalm 18:1 King James Version

1 I will love thee, O Lord, my strength.

Isaiah 43:4 King James Version

4 Since thou wast precious in my sight, thou hast been honourable, and I have loved thee: therefore will I give men for thee, and people for thy life.

Conclusion Of The Whole Matter

The three magic words only return three verses in the King James Version.  So, it would appear that saying, "I love you," is rare.  However, there are more occurrences when the variations are taken into consideration.  Psalm 18:1, Judges 16:15, and Revelation 3:9 uses "thee" instead of "you."  So, there are different ways of actually saying the expression, but it is said.  God says it to Israel.  God says it to his Son.  Jesus says it to the Twelve.  Paul says it to the church.

However, I still think the Bible's preference is on showing love.  The Israelites are told to love God by serving Him and keeping His commands.  Samson is chided for saying it but not showing it by not revealing the source of his strength to Delilah.  Jesus shows his love for the disciples by washing their feet.  Jesus has Peter say it three times, perhaps to remind Peter of his lack of showing love with the three denials.  And, John, the Apostle of Love, sums up the topic like this:

My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.

1 John 3:18 King James Version

3 Bible results for exact match of “"I love you"” from King James Version.

59 Bible results for “I love you” from King James Version.

• Old Testament (16)
• Genesis (1)
• Leviticus (1)
• Deuteronomy (4)
• Joshua (1)
• 1 Kings (1)
• Song of Solomon (4)
• Jeremiah (1)
• Hosea (1)
• Zechariah (1)
• Malachi (1)
• New Testament (43)
• Matthew (3)
• Luke (4)
• John (9)
• Romans (1)
• 1 Corinthians (2)
• 2 Corinthians (7)
• Ephesians (4)
• Philippians (1)
• Colossians (2)
• 1 Thessalonians (4)
• 2 Thessalonians (1)
• Titus (1)
• Hebrews (1)
• 1 Peter (1)
• 2 John (1)
• Jude (1)

Of course, the most significant gesture in the Bible would be how God shows his love for us with the cross.

Scripture contributions for February 2023 by: Paul Anderson, Matthew Anderson